Yes, you can have a miscarriage after having healthy pregnancies. This is my story.
Miscarriage After Having Healthy Pregnancies
Is it possible to have a miscarriage after having healthy pregnancies? Yes, it is possible. It’s not only possible, but it’s more common than you think.
My Story of Miscarriage After Having Three Kids
Note: This post may bring on strong feelings and may be TMI for some. I just wish there was something out there like this when I was searching for answers, which is why I wrote it.
Have you or someone you know experienced a pregnancy loss? You know how it feels: one moment you’re on top of the world, and the next your world comes crashing down. It can take a while to heal from such an experience, if there is any complete healing at all.
I wasn’t sure I was going to write this, but I feel like it’s part of my healing process and I was meant to share my story. I believe that things happen for a reason, and perhaps my reason is to hopefully reach out to others who may be going through something similar.
Miscarriage can be a scary topic and isn’t often talked about, but since 1 out of 4 pregnancies can result in miscarriage, I feel that perhaps we should talk more about it, about what might happen and how it feels to experience one.
It may not be your cup of tea; I get it. It may stir up some feelings; I totally get that too. This isn’t easy.
So here goes nothing: I had a miscarriage after having healthy pregnancies.
I’m going to start back at the beginning. Back in July 2014, I was late with my cycle, which was weird to me because I was taking the pill and was taking it on schedule every day.
At that time, I thought we were done having kids, as our third baby was just over a year old and we were pretty sure he was going to be the last baby. In fact, we had donated or sold almost all of our baby gear!
But there I was, not one day or a few days late, but 10 days. That’s a long time to be late when you’re on the pill.
It kinda hit me pretty hard that we might have another baby when we thought we were done. A possible pregnancy wasn’t planned at all, and I was scared.
But then Aunt Flow showed up, fashionably late without any excuses. My cycle resumed its course.
The experience had me thinking though: what if? What if it was meant to be? What if it was a sign that maybe it should be?
I realized then that I did want another baby. I did want to at least try.
After discussing it with my husband, we both agreed to try. We were going to try in the Fall so that the possible due date would be somewhere in the summer, when he’d be off from work. That gave us about three months to see what would happen.
Month #1= nothing. Month #2= nothing.
Month #3 came, and I felt weird. Weird like breakfast made me feel sick. I felt nauseous if I didn’t eat. Sleeping became uncomfortable.
I was pregnant.
I got my first BFP (big fat positive) in early November. With my other three healthy pregnancies, I called the doctor right away to set up an appointment, but for some reason I hesitated this time. I waited a week and three more BFPs to make the call.
My first appointment was going to be the day after Thanksgiving. I was thrilled, and started making announcement plans.
If you know me, you know that my announcement plans are anything but simple. I love giving other people surprises and making them guess, and to do so, it takes elaborate plans. I like making it fun instead of just coming out and saying, “Hey, we’re having a baby!”. Don’t you just love fun announcements?
We were going to announce to the immediate families the night after my appointment. I couldn’t wait! Everyone else was going to find out around Christmas with my carefully crafted Christmas card that would have hints all over it about a fourth baby.
We were nervous, but excited. A fourth baby! Everyone was going to be super surprised. I mean, sure, they were going to question our sanity and our decision, but a baby is a blessing. I loved having my four other siblings (I’m the oldest of five), my husband has younger siblings, and I knew my kids would love having a new brother or sister.
Dex, my youngest little guy, knew of the baby. I would talk to him about the baby since he wouldn’t be able to spill the beans to anyone with his limited 20 month old vocabulary, but even though he couldn’t verbalize his excitement, his smile said it all. He was going to be a big brother!
Signs of Miscarriage
This is the part I hate. This is the part where it all fell apart.
The day after I called to make my first appointment, I started to spot lightly. At first, it didn’t bother me since I experienced bleeding with my second pregnancy and she was just fine, but something was wrong.
The nausea was gone. The sleeping issues were gone. Other symptoms were vanishing.
What do you do when something is wrong? Google it, of course! How many times have you Googled symptoms?
As many people do, I went right to Google to see what the spotting and loss of symptoms could be. I’m sure you know, if you have done a similar search, how terrible, how low, how disheartened you feel after seeing what the possibilities could be, yet how hopeful you become after reading encouraging stories.
There’s not much out there regarding miscarriage after having healthy pregnancies, but all other kinds of stories are out there.
It’s a roller coaster of emotions: ups and downs, twists and turns, before you come to a complete stop.
I was praying it was nothing. I was praying that it was all just the fact that I already had three healthy pregnancies that my body was so used to them and shut off all of the annoying symptoms so I could take care of the kids.
I waited it out. The spotting was just light, and never got any worse. There was no pain. Everything I read about miscarriage told me that it was most often a painful, bloody ordeal, but that wasn’t happening to me.
About a week later, I took another pregnancy test. It was still a BFP. Two solid, clearly there, lines stared back at me, but this time, I wasn’t sure I trusted them.
I called the doctor. His staff told me to come in that day.
I’ll spare you all of the details, but the blood tests and ultrasounds revealed what I had been dreading: miscarriage.
At just 6 weeks, I was losing my pregnancy and there was nothing I could do.
My doctor, a very no-nonsense man who is excellent at his job, was actually very sympathetic. He spoke in gentle tones, explaining what was happening and that since it was my fourth pregnancy, it was just my 1 in 4 that didn’t end right.
Unfortunately, it didn’t just end. You don’t just wake up one day and magically it’s all over.
Instead of my numbers dropping as they should have been, they were increasing. Every time I went for bloodwork (about 4 times total), my HCG was going up and up, but my progesterone was low.
I was still pregnant, in some way, but they didn’t know where the pregnancy was. The doctor feared that it was an etopic pregnancy, for which I’d either need to take cancer medication or have surgery. The scary part was they didn’t know for sure. They couldn’t see anything on an ultrasound, nothing was there to indicate either way.
Scary doesn’t even cover this. I mean, an etopic pregnancy is dangerous. It is life threatening for both mom and baby. And don’t get me started on the Googling I did then.
I was scheduled for a D & E to clear things out and to see if my numbers would drop. It wasn’t something I had hoped for, since I would have wanted a natural way, but it was for my health and well-being that the procedure needed to be done.
Thankfully, my numbers did drop. After about a month, it was finally on its way to an end.
Feelings After a Miscarriage
Yes, it was an early loss. There was never a ‘baby’ there, but at some point, two cells joined and tried to create a baby. The tiny ball of cells did implant, but just couldn’t grow.
That, my friends, made me sad.
I cried a lot. I cried because of the loss. I cried because I felt left down after making so many future plans. I cried because I felt guilty for crying when I had already been so blessed. I cried when I tried to talk about it. I cried when someone mentioned it to me.
And for those reasons, I didn’t tell very many people until it was absolutely necessary.
Was I wrong to feel so low? Was I wrong to cry when I had already had three healthy kids?
I don’t think so. It’s still a loss, right? The baby that could have been was still very wanted.
I may not be able to truly know what it is like to have a first pregnancy miscarriage or multiple miscarriages, but I do know what it is to lose someone who, while so tiny, you love so much.
I tried to eat away all of these feelings. Eating comforted me, but only temporarily. Turns out eating away feelings does not help you face your feelings; it just makes you gain weight and feel even worse. I don’t recommend it…
Talking about it, after a while, actually helped. After the procedure, I was able to talk about it all without crying. I spoke with family and friends. I spoke with others who went through similar situations. Knowing I wasn’t alone even in my close circles was good for me to know.
Moving On After Miscarriage
I don’t know if you ever move on after a miscarriage. Right now, I think about it a lot. I even dream about it.
But in a way I guess I have moved on to a new chapter in life. I mean, here I am writing about it, to move on even further…
A friend asked me recently if I felt bad when other people talked about being pregnant or if I felt bad seeing other pregnant women. Sure, I feel a twinge of jealousy, wishing I too was still expecting a baby, but no, I don’t feel bad. Not in the slightest.
I love talking about babies and pregnancy. It’s a weird thing about me, I guess, but I always have, and always will, no matter what happens to me. I’ll still feel happy for others.
For a little while, I did fear the dreaded question when people saw my then youngest, who was about to be two : ever think you’ll have another baby?
I was afraid I would just start sobbing uncontrollably, but it never happened. My typical response started as “Well, sometimes, but we’ll see”, but I was totally lying and hated being a liar for it.
Truth is, I think about the baby I could have had and any possibility of another baby ALL THE TIME.
The truth can set you free, and admitting out loud what happened was a much needed release for me. It happened, and now here I am. I began responding with, “Unfortunately, I recently had a loss, but we’re going to try again.”
Yes, it does take some people by surprise, but it happened. It was real, and what may happen in the future is a hope.
Trying Again After a Miscarriage
If you’re actively trying to have a baby, everything becomes a waiting game.
Since we were going to try again after a miscarriage, we were told to wait at least one ‘real’ cycle to try. It can be so hard to be told to wait, but it was for the best so my body can return to a healthy state.
(But wow, Google waiting to conceive after a miscarriage… So many different ideas and opinions about how and when!)
My doctor told me since I was otherwise healthy, getting pregnant again shouldn’t be an issue. And as I have seen in many online forums, so many other women experiencing miscarriage go on to have healthy pregnancies, so there is much hope.
So here I am. I have a new perspective on things, that’s for sure. And if you’re going through something similar or have in the past, know that you too will experience a new perspective.
It may not be a happy one for me all of the time, but it definitely feels more like an appreciative one.
If you know me in person, just know that I am doing fine. Know that I am okay. Know that I know that God’s in control, and that things just happen for a reason. Someday, maybe I’ll know that reason, but for now, I’m okay.
Need to Talk?
If you or someone you know has had a miscarriage and need someone to talk to, I’m here. I’ll listen. Leave me a comment below, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or message me on my Facebook page with any questions.
Did I Have Another Baby?
Yes, I did actually have a rainbow baby after this loss. You can read about her here.
Kathleen Kellams says
Thank you for sharing about your loss. I’m very sorry to read about it. I think that it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to write this and have an open heart for those who need to talk. The internet is “full” of information but there’s no real compassion, or one on one for people to express how they feel or what they’re going through without judgements. I strongly commend you on opening up and providing a safe place for people to express their feelings. I was 19 when I had my first miscarriage. I was bleeding and in pain, went to the ER they told me I was pregnant based on blood work and scheduled me for an ultrasound a few days later. I went in alone and could see the sac but no “stem” as they put it, to me all I heard was no baby. I was so afraid to get pregnant again and the pill wasn’t working that I was literally afraid to have sex. A few years later, still with the same guy we decided we wanted to try for a baby. It didn’t take long for us to conceive. Here it is 10 years later and I have 4 beautiful healthy children. 3 daughters and a son. Again I’m sorry for your loss but thank you for sharing. I had tears in my eyes, sadness for your loss but joy that you’re able to and wanting to try again. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for your encouraging comment! I was afraid to publish this, unsure of how people would feel about me sharing my story. Thank you for sharing your story; it gives me hope to keep trying, and I hope it encourages others as well!
Tiffany Schmidt says
Big hugs to you hun. I know exactly how you’re feeling, as I just went through this last month. My story is similar in some aspects. We knew we were, I had told my mom we suspected it and I was going in for the fetal age ultrasound December 23rd. The plan was to have my youngest son change into a middle brother shirt for our family gathering on Christmas Eve.
But the, when the tech was checking, I knew something wasn’t right. It was taking way longer than with the first two. Checking, measuring, clicking the computer, silence. More of the same. Then I started asking questions and babbling. At least tell me a baby is there… right? And she said she just wasn’t sure, there were a couple things it could be.
Of course had to go to my Dr. for him to discuss it all with us. I could be in fact miscarrying, just measuring small, or carrying twins due to a dual blood flow something or another. I was a hot mess. I could be losing my child or carrying twins? WHAT?! I had no other symptoms.
Christmas night I started bleeding…
The rest of the story is normal and scary for me, including a large blood/clot loss in public and drove myself to the ER, where my so kind and loving Dr. met me there, so I wouldn’t be experiencing it with complete strangers.
And here we are a month later.
If you need to talk, chat, cry, talk about future rainbow baby plans… I’m here.
Oh, Tiffany, my heart breaks for you! I’m so sorry that you too experienced a loss. That had to be so scary, and for it to happen on Christmas…Thank goodness for kind doctors. I’m so grateful that mine was kind to me as well during such a difficult time. Hugs, and best wishes to you for a rainbow baby as well!
kymom (@kymom13) says
I’m so, so, so sorry for your loss. I’m the opposite of you…I had one child and three miscarriages. It was awful and painful and after all these years, I sometimes still have sadness when I see babies or hear of someone who’s pregnant.
Kymom, I can’t even begin to imagine the sadness you have felt. It is hard not to remember a loss when you see someone who is pregnant, that is true. I guess it’s something we’ll never really forget. Hugs!
Charity Cox says
I’m so sorry. It hurts so much. Eventually it gets easier but there are still days when you break down and cry. I lost baby number 3 at ten weeks after hearing the heartbeat on the doppler. I had full on pregnancy symptoms the whole time I was having the miscarriage. I was constantly thrust between hope and fear. I was on bed rest for a week before and after and instructed to wait at least 3 full cycles before trying again. Our baby would have been due the beginning of this month, and I have been a ball of emotions all month. I thought I might be pregnant again this month but it was a false alarm. I will be praying for you, I know that I could sometimes almost feel the arms of Jesus gather me up and give me peace and comfort and strength. Lots of love.
Charity, I am so sorry for your loss, and I’ll keep you in my prayers as you are going through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m sure it was hard to relive the moments. Best wishes to you!!
Rachel Alba says
Hi Marissa, I’m sitting here crying because of what you went through. Your words made me feel your pain. I have to say this is the first time I’m hearing about this. I didn’t know anything about your fourth pregnancy or miscarriage. It brought back memories when Marinda had a miscarriage. Did you know about that? I cried when she told me she was pregnant in the first place, for obvious reasons, then I got used to the idea then cried when she lost the baby. But just a few months later I cried again because she got pregnant again. You know how that turned out, now we have beautiful Olivia. Don’t give up, I think you and Aidan were meant to have another child. It just wasn’t that one. You are such good parents and make beautiful children. I had a boss when I worked for Hanover Homes who’s wife had three miscarriages but then had three beautiful children right in a row. Two boys and a girl. They are all grown up now and in college. God bless you, that experience was for a reason.
Hi Aunt Rachel, I know probably many people in the family are going to be shocked about this… I wasn’t far enough along to announce, so not even my parents, siblings, or in-laws knew until I needed medical care. I think I remember her loss, but I’m so glad she has Olivia now. She’s a little ray of sunshine, that’s for sure!
Thank you so much for sharing! Its odd thinking about how far along I’d be every step of the way. I have 3 little healthy ones, but recently lost one at 12 wks. It feels like its not as common to hear people talk about, but then when someone opens up people come out of the woodwork with similar stories 🙂 I also love talking about babies and pregnancy with others! Every baby is a blessing and although mine isn’t here to hold babies still make me happy.
Katie, I’m so sorry to learn about your loss! Thank you for sharing your story with us. It does help so much to know that there are others out there who have experienced the same thing.
I know this is an old post but I’m glad I found it. I have 3 healthy kids, the youngest is 15 months and we unexpectedly found out we were pregnant last month. I was scared at first but then I was so excited. I miscarried 2 weeks ago and everything you stated is how I currently feel. Like you said, it’s hard to find information or people with multiple healthy pregnancies that miscarriage after so reading this was very comforting and even had me in tears. Thank you.
Lauren, I’m so sorry for your loss (and that it has taken me so long to respond!). I’m glad my post was of some comfort to you during this difficult time. Best wishes to you and your family.
Autumn Carter says
A couple of weeks ago my husband and I decided to try for our 5th and final baby. We didn’t want to wait and be pregnant in a hot NC summer. We immediately got pregnant. I had implantation bleeding and tested after 2 days and got the 2 lines. Took 3 more test just to be sure since I was only about 4 weeks. Made an appointment for 6 weeks. Normally we spill the beans right away but I kept holding back. Went to try on maternity jeans because last time my pants stopped fitting at 6 weeks and couldn’t bring myself to buy them. Just felt off. Chalked it up to it being so early. The next night I was spotting and passing blood clots.
The doctor said this early the miscarriage wouldnt be hard. But I was in bed for two days weak and in pain. We still have barely told anyone and tomorrow I have to go in for blood test to confirm the pregnancy is gone. I can handle losing this baby, as hard as it is. What’s harder is the new fear of what if this happens again? What if there is a new underlying issue like low progesterone that makes this a repeat thing.
It’s hard. To have so many blessings and to feel guilt that you cant have more.
Autumn,my heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. The fear of it happening again is real, and it may not go away for awhile. I felt the same way after my miscarriage and even after I had my rainbow baby. It’s a hard feeling to get over. I definitely suggest speaking with your doctor about your concerns. I hope that you find healing, both in body and spirit.
Chamell Pienaar says
So sorry to hear of your loss. I sent you an email. I also just had a loss. I was 5 months pregnant. Gave me so much hope you saying God is in control and their is a reason for everything. Your story gave me so much hope and for telling your story. I would love to hear from you if possible.
Thanks for sharing. Your story gives me strength to carry on.
God bless you
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Chamell, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad that my story gave you comfort. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.
BriAnna Woodard says
Thank you for sharing! I was looking for mother’s who had previous healthy pregnancies then miscarried and couldn’t find many! We planned our third baby and was making all kinds of plans and trying to see what the gender would be. At about 7 weeks pregnant I went to the ER because I was spotting and I never have before in any of my pregnancies but after giving me an ultrasound they said everything was fine and they located the heartbeat. A week later I went in for my first obgyn visit and they couldn’t locate a heartbeat.. I immediately started crying.. I couldn’t hold back my tears.. then having to sit in the office to go over options about terminating the remains of my pregnancy was even harder.. I broke down and cried again.. I just never imagined after having healthy pregnancies that this would happen to me.. I still question what exactly went wrong.. sorry you had to go through what you went through and you are not alone at all
BriAnna, I’m so sorry about your loss. It is such a hard thing to experience when prior experiences were positive. I’ll keep you in my prayers!