What is a Rainbow Baby? What It’s Like Raising a Rainbow Baby

Do you have a rainbow baby? Find out what a rainbow baby is and what it has been like for me to raise her. 

Raising a Rainbow Baby

 

I didn’t think it would be hard to raise a rainbow baby. I mean, rainbows are full of hope and promise, right?

Except that sometimes, rainbows can fade away. Sometimes, a new storm follows. Other times, it’s still raining while the rainbow barely shows through.

What is a Rainbow Baby?

A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage or loss of a baby. You know, like the saying, “After every storm comes a rainbow.”

Most people, when they find out they are pregnant again after a loss, feel hesitant to become attached to the new baby until they feel the danger of another loss has passed. Many choose to wait until the first trimester has passed to announce the pregnancy. Others wait even longer. Some never shake the anxious feeling that something could happen to the new baby.

I am one of those people, and I can assure you that:

• It is okay to be scared or to feel anxious about a new pregnancy.
• It is okay to even feel guilty about a new pregnancy.
• Is is okay and normal to still feel sad about your previous loss.
• It is okay to worry throughout the pregnancy.
• It is okay to continue to worry after birth.

If you experience these absolutely normal feelings, talking with someone–your spouse, a friend, your doctor–helps tremendously.

Worried about your rainbow baby? It's totally normal. #pregnancyloss #health Click to Tweet

Pregnancy with a Rainbow Baby

This is only my experience. This is not meant to frighten anyone. My experience may differ from yours and others who have raised a rainbow baby. I am sharing my experience so that those who may have the same feelings know they are not alone. 

My fourth baby is a rainbow baby. In November of 2014 I experienced a miscarriage after having three previous healthy pregnancies and births. Thankfully, a few months after my recovery, I was pregnant again with a baby.

Even with multiple pregnancy tests (gah! The faint lines!) and early ultrasounds telling me I was pregnant, I still had fears. And the fears came in stages.

The first stage was the threat of another miscarriage. The first 12 weeks of my pregnancy, I kinda held my breath. My previous miscarriage happened around 5-6 weeks, so once I passed that point, it was a relief, but we still didn’t announce this baby until after 9 weeks.

At the end of the first trimester, 12 weeks, I thought this baby was going to be perfectly fine. In fact, the ultrasound we had showed a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy. I remember going home that day and feeling like I was on cloud nine, like I could breathe again…

…until the bleeding began. The same day I had my ultrasound at 12 weeks, I also discovered I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. The whole experience traumatized me, and to this day I cry when I think about it.

Basically, there was a bleed that was threatening the pregnancy. I had to have more ultrasounds to measure the SCH and to see if it was preventing my baby from growing.

 

Around 17 weeks or so, the SCH went away. The baby continued to develop normally.

Then came the diagnosis of Schamberg’s Disease. I had blood seeping to the surface of my skin on my feet and legs. It looked like I had cut myself shaving, yet the blood was pooled under the skin. Thankfully, a dermatologist was able to put my mind at ease by telling me it wasn’t anything major and would probably go away after birth.

Even though the SCH was gone and knowing the Schamberg’s Disease was nothing to worry about, I still worried. I made sure I was able to feel the baby moving every day. I was so afraid that the baby would stop moving, stop showing signs of life.

Labor and Delivery of a Rainbow Baby

I felt certain that the baby would arrive early, just as her brothers and sister did before her. In fact, with my third baby, I went into labor at 35 weeks, but they were able to stop it until 37 weeks.

This baby stayed put well into my 38th week, surpassing all other delivery dates. In fact, the pregnancy had to continually prove how different it was from the others by even allowing my water to break. My water had never broken before with any of my other pregnancies.

While it seems like a normal part of labor, for me, it caused worry. Since I had three previous c-sections and needed another, the thought of amniotic fluid leaking out and the possibility that I would dilate too quickly made me extremely nervous.

After all, it was my fourth baby and sometimes these things happen quickly.

It didn’t help that the doctor at the hospital wasn’t keen on getting me back to surgery right away to deliver the baby. I was in active labor with strong contractions, and she decided to wait until the doctor coming in for the next shift was available. I waited for hours, in and out of sleep thanks to the pain medication they gave me.

Finally, the c-section happened and the baby was delivered, healthy and perfect. Thank God! I was able to do skin to skin with her right away, which gave me some relief.

 

If you didn’t know, Baby #4 is my rainbow baby. We made careful consideration when naming her, as we did with our other kiddos. Her name is Mara Siobhan (pronounced sha-von), which all together means “God is gracious after bitterness”. She is a little angel and we are very blessed to have her in our lives. 🙂 #rainbowbaby #blessed

A post shared by Marissa (@mommyknowswhatsbest) on Dec 31, 2015 at 4:01pm PST

First Hours with My Rainbow Baby

You would think my fears would have dissipated the moment my baby arrived and was placed on my chest. You would think that the world would have righted itself again. You would think that the storm would have passed, that the sun would have shined brighter, now that my rainbow was here.

The first few hours with the baby were tough. She gave us a few scares, choking on and spitting up fluid that she had in her system that wasn’t squeezed out after the c-section. I had never experienced that with my other three babies, so it terrified me. It even terrified my husband, who had nurses checking on her every time she choked.

It didn’t phase the nurses, but it still made me worry. The worry was probably intensified due to the change in my hormones after giving birth.

Thankfully, it only lasted a few days. It didn’t happen once we left the hospital.

First Weeks with My Rainbow Baby

Since she was a winter baby, I was more adamant than ever when it came to only letting a few people see and hold the baby. I was adamant about washing hands before touching the baby. I kept her close to me whenever we were in public.

Whenever she slept, I watched her breathe. I felt her skin to make sure she was well.

Yet, despite precautions and all, she got a cold when she was only a few weeks old. You might think it was only a cold, but for a newborn, colds can be dangerous.

I held her and did not put her down until her cold was over. Her cough was scary. She didn’t have a fever, but I was so afraid that she would stop breathing. I had to feed her using a medicine dropper because she was too stuffed up to nurse. After a few days, the cold went away and she was well again.

First Year with My Rainbow Baby

Curse all the books or websites that tell you when a baby should be reaching milestones. They just make people worry more, you know?

The first year, I feel like I worried a bit more about reaching milestones, more than I ever did with my older three kids. Would she roll over ‘in time’? Would she sit up, or crawl, or walk ‘in time’?

Add to that the growth chart from the pediatrician. When my oldest three were babies, they were always in the 90th or above percentile in terms of height and weight, which was expected since my husband is so tall and I come from a tall family. But this baby? She was almost always in the 40th-50th percentile for a while. Why the difference? No one knows, but she eventually caught up to where her siblings were on the charts.

 

She couldn’t decide if she loved me or hated me for having her sit in the grass to take these pictures… #happybaby #sadbaby #rainbowbaby

A post shared by Marissa (@mommyknowswhatsbest) on Aug 3, 2016 at 5:25pm PDT

After the First Year

It has now been a few months since my baby girl turned a year old. While I can say that most of my fears are dissipating, there are still times I worry. The worry now is more like the worry I have for my other three kids:

• Is she healthy?
• Is she happy?
• Am I being a good mom?

I guess I can say things are back to ‘normal’ for me. It’s just something about losing a baby that scares the life out of you, you know?

PTSD After a Miscarriage or Pregnancy Complications

Research in the past few years has indicated that it is entirely possible for women to experience PTSD, or posttraumatic stress disorder, after having a miscarriage, multiple miscarriages, pregnancy complications, complications during delivery, or loss of a baby.

Some symptoms on PTSD after a miscarriage are:

• depression,
• anxiety,
• fatigue,
• trouble sleeping,
• lack of concentration,
• loss of appetite,
• and frequent episodes of crying.

After reading these articles, I have come to think it was a very mild form of PTSD that I had from the miscarriage and from the SCH that made me feel anxious during my pregnancy and the first year. It’s entirely possible.

I’m actually relieved to know now that it wasn’t just random anxiety, but that it may have been actually caused by the experiences I had. I know where to look now for help and advice.

What I Want You to Know

Like I said in the beginning of this post, I am sharing how I felt while raising a rainbow baby so that others who may feel the same know that they are not alone, that:

• It is okay to be scared or to feel anxious about a new pregnancy.
• It is okay to even feel guilty about a new pregnancy.
• Is is okay and normal to still feel sad about your previous loss.
• It is okay to worry throughout the pregnancy.
• It is okay to continue to worry after birth.

Please, reach out to family, friends, or your doctor to share how you feel or if you need help.

♥ Have you experienced these feelings or something similar when you had your rainbow baby?